A Day at the Office
by Joyeee
Summary: [Complete] The Spirit Detectives are entrusted with missions affecting the fate of the worlds. So what if they aren't exactly...professional? A day at the Urameshi Team office. PG for language, nonserious violence, & the wackiness of YYH on a sugar high.
1. Coming In

** A Day at the Office**

Business first:

This is a silly story. Think of it as Yu Yu Hakusho on a sugar high. Hey, at least it's not YYH on mind-altering drugs, right?

**_Special thanks!_** to **Dragondancer1014**, a fantastically fabulous writer, for her suggestions, one of which led to arguably the most explosive content of this story.

I've a favor to ask readers. No no, hear me out; it's nothing big. :D I love all the YYH characters, but I tend to give my favorites the "best"/most parts, at least in first drafts...so I'd like to know: **Can you tell who my fave character(s) is/are from this fanfic?** If you can't, I've reached at least one of my goals with this fic. Thank you much!

Disclaimer: Yu Yu Hakusho belongs to Yoshihiro Togashi, Studio Pierrot, FUNimation, and I-don't-know-who-else...but not me. Hiei would say "Hn" at the sheer redundancy of this statement, but I suppose I should include a disclaimer at least in this, my first posted fanfiction.  
  
I'm writing up a few definitions just in case.  
(1) _sweatdrop_: I trust anime watchers/manga readers will know what this means. A common reaction in this genre to incredible silliness, insanity, or general ridiculousness.  
(2) _Ensatsu Ken_: Killing Flame Fists, a technique of Hiei's  
(3) _Shot-Cake-Gun_: Yusuke has a technique called Shoto-Gan, or Shotgun, by which he shoots multiple bursts of energy out of his finger in different directions (you'll see why cake is added in)  
(4) -_san_: Miss/Ms./Mr. Normally, I'd use the English, but Kuwabara's enthusiastic way of addressing Yukina in the anime is just too precious.

Non-anime terms: Pocky is a snack consisting of thin, crispy breadstick-like…sticks ' dipped in chocolate (or strawberry cream, etc.). Boba milk tea is sweetened black tea with milk and little balls of tapioca. Both are pretty popular Asian treats.

Chapter 1: Coming In  
  
Koenma leaned back in his plush armchair of lustrous leather, only one of several in his office (but just a tad more lavish than the rest, with an automatic massage function besides). He gleefully ran a finger along the edge of the gleaming mahogany surface of the giant desk, which, despite its luxurious appearance of solid wood, was fully equipped with all sorts of humming gadgetry and remote controls, true to its "state-of-the-art, do-it-all-at-your-desk Super Desktop" title. Set in the opposite wall, shielded by bulletproof glass with a thick border of marble, was a new video screen with over three hundred combinations of screen shapes and sizes that played all multimedia formats yet invented, including 34,900 radio stations and 570,210 television channels in 8255 languages and 64,243 dialects (and of course, fully sufficient to play the video games and cartoons that Koenma usually used it for). And behind him, a convenient roll of the chair away, stood a very shiny, very large refrigerator, stocked with enough sugary snacks and drinks to render the most exhausted human unable to sleep for a week.  
  
By the merest movement of his left forefinger, Koenma pushed a button on the armrest, at which the built-in footrest stretched out with a smooth purr, allowing him to sink into the chair even further. Koenma sighed happily, thoroughly contented with the new furniture (especially since the payment had not come out of any of his funds).  
  
A polite knock sounded. Koenma pressed another button on his armrest, and the door to the left of the giant wall screen slid smoothly open, admitting a boy of fifteen or sixteen in appearance. Koenma glanced at his watch (although he could just as well have looked at the digital clock above the video screen, which could show the time in any time zone in any world in any of the three known dimensions). The second hand had just hit 12, and the time was 6:00 pm sharp (in terms of Tokyo, Japan, on Earth in the Human World). "That's Kurama for you," Koenma nodded approval, though not of the patronizing kind, at the youth, who walked in to stand in front of Koenma's desk. "Punctual to the second."  
  
Kurama smiled slightly. "I am the earliest?" Koenma nodded, and sighed. No one could expect Kazuma Kuwabara or Yusuke Urameshi, the No.1 and Super-No.1 Delinquents, respectively, of their high school, to be on time (much less early). As for Hiei...he did not exactly take orders very well. They would be lucky if he showed up.  
  
"As long as we're waiting, why don't you try one of the new Ultra Comfort 3000 chairs?" Koenma swept an arm proudly around the room. "Like the new look?"  
  
Kurama accordingly sat down in a chair. "Executive quality," he remarked good-naturedly. These two words more than sufficiently pleased and encouraged the little god to launch into eager, detailed explanations and demonstrations of all his new furniture. Of course, it took some time, but even by the end of Koenma's ninety-minute Refurnished Office Tour, no one else had arrived. At this point, a cartoon Koenma liked was showing on one of the 570,210 TV channels, so he switched the screen on. Seeing this, Kurama quietly took out a book. For a while, all that could be heard were faint sounds from Koenma's personal headphones, and the occasional whisper of a turning page.  
  
"_George!_" Koenma suddenly yelled, ripping off the headphones. (Kurama did not bat an eye.) The screen blackened abruptly as a blue ogre dashed in.  
  
"Yes Lord Koenma! What is it?" George inquired with an affable but slightly nervous grin.  
  
"Bring me some bean cakes. On the double!" (Unfortunately, it just so happened that what Koenma wanted at that moment - bean cakes - were not among the stock of snacks in the refrigerator that could power all the students of Tokyo through final exams.)  
  
"Five cakes then, Lord Koenma?"  
  
"Are you implying I can't eat more?" Koenma asked slowly with a Menacing Glare. "Are you insulting my size?"  
  
"Err...I was thinking you and the four Detectives would each have one..."  
  
"Idiot! One for each of them, of course."  
  
"Then...four cakes?" George ventured timidly.  
  
"Arrrggghh! One for each of the Detectives, and ten for me."  
  
A sweatdrop appeared over George's forehead. "Coming right up!"  
  
"Oh, might as well make that fifteen cakes for me. Also, bring a few boxes of Pocky and five cups of boba milk tea."  
  
"All five for you...?"  
  
"One...for...each...of...us." (Appropriately, the Menacing Glare had positively become a Glare of Dire Doom.)  
  
"Yes, yes! Right away!" George began to go, frantically glad that he seemed to have gotten everything straight.  
  
"Wait!"  
  
George turned back in trepidation.  
  
Koenma admonished in a low, dangerous tone, "You forgot to say, 'Anything else, Lord Koenma?'"  
  
"Umm...anything else, Lord Koenma?" George repeated fearfully.  
  
"No. Hurry up and get what I ordered!" George sweatdropped again, but scurried away on his task. Kurama astutely kept on reading.

When Yusuke arrived, it was 7:58. Botan ushered him into Koenma's office to find Koenma watching cartoons and gobbling up whole bean cakes at a time, while Kuwabara was screaming at Hiei unintelligibly in a pitch much too high for comfort (not to mention dignity). Hiei glared back at Kuwabara, looking ready to unleash one or the other of his Ensatsu Ken attacks. And Kurama was calmly reading a book. Yusuke's face scrunched up, undecided between disbelief and hilarity. This was the office of a god, after all. Couldn't one expect _some_ order?  
  
"Hey everyone!" Yusuke called. Kurama, the only one who apparently noticed, looked up and smiled in greeting, but his expression suddenly changed to one of slight concern and he pointed to the space behind Yusuke. Just then an agitated George bustled in from the direction Kurama had indicated, carrying a mountainous plate of bean cakes in each hand with more plates of treats tucked precariously in the crook of each arm. He promptly crashed into the latest Detective to arrive.  
  
"Uh-oh!" Botan yelped and scampered quickly out of the room, shutting the door firmly behind her. Kurama closed his book and ducked under a shelf mounted on the wall just as the cakes hit the ceiling high above and started to fall. For several minutes afterwards, the office transformed into a cake fight arena.  
  
"Hey! George! What are you doing?!" Koenma leaped on the desk and yelled (as if George were purposefully depriving him of his long-awaited snacks), incidentally shouting directly in Kuwabara's ear. Kuwabara sprang up in surprise, neatly catching two bean cakes on his head which immediately broke into tiny pieces, scattering in his hair and clothes. Not having heard George come in (he was busy raving against Hiei at the time), Kuwabara assumed automatically that the cakes were Hiei's malicious doing, so he grabbed a few falling cakes and threw them in Hiei's general direction. Of course Hiei dodged easily, and they hit Yusuke, whose back had been turned as he tried to open the door to follow Botan. However, the unexpected attack banished all thoughts of escape; he whirled around shouting, "Oh yeah?" grabbed two fistfuls of cake as the last pieces fell, and sent a barrage of cake chunks toward Kuwabara with the battle cry, "Shot-Cake-_Gun_!" Several blocks did hit Kuwabara, but many of the harder pieces ricocheted off the new furniture and speeded toward Koenma. Koenma, still screaming at George, caught them in his wide-open mouth. The force was so great that he tumbled off the desk and into his chair, temporarily out of the range of fire.  
  
Hiei, determined not to lower himself so much as to use cake for a weapon and certainly not so much as to use his customary attacks against cake, grabbed one of the (new, and quite expensive) lamps. Not to be outdone, Kuwabara ducked behind a chair and snatched up a (new, and even more expensive) floor rug. Immediately he was reminded of Spanish bull fight scenes and the handsome, rugged bullfighters on TV. He whipped out the rug in the classic bullfighter stance, declaring, "I, Kuwabara Kazuma, will defeat the puny black creature before me and win honor for the fairest maiden of all the universe, Yukina-saaaannn!"  
  
The mention of Yukina did to Hiei what Kuwabara's insults and the makeshift red cloth could not - it infuriated him. What honor could this lumbering human oaf possibly win for his precious sister? The moron thought too highly of himself if he presumed to be Yukina's champion! However, Hiei managed to suppress the surge of anger. Instead, he suddenly appeared at the human's side, seized the rug, and tossed it backward over his shoulder. As Kuwabara sputtered and tried to muster a counterattack, the rug hit Yusuke, who was trying to haul a viciously kicking Koenma upright. Because the rug (being a luxurious rug) was rather heavy, Yusuke went sprawling over the desk. He pushed himself back up, spewing rather vivid profanity. But by this time Hiei and Kuwabara were tangled in their fight and Yusuke had no idea which one he was really mad at, so he decided to forego revenge and seek shelter from the mayhem behind a cabinet.  
  
Koenma suddenly jumped back on the desk in his older, more imposing form, fists clenched and teeth gritted in indignant fury, and bellowed in as deep a voice as he could muster, "_QUIET!!!"_  
  
Kuwabara stopped midblow, a carpet draped over his head at a lopsided angle, and bean cake in his hair and on his uniform (which was not very clean to begin with, as he had gotten into a little…physical disagreement with a schoolmate just that afternoon). Hiei (who had not been fighting, really) surprised everyone by actually setting down the lamp instead of allowing it to crash to the floor, and flashed to a far corner of the room with a sullen glower. Yusuke poked his head out from behind the cabinet. Kurama gave Koenma a cheerful grin and went to check on George, who had fainted early on in the pandemonium.  
  
_end of chapter 1_  
  
Why bean cakes? Because I like them. They're mung bean, with fillings of a paste made of red bean, a little larger than a dollar coin and about a centimeter thick. (And I suppose a small bit could be hard and compact enough to ricochet off furniture.) Sweet and yum!  
  
Too descriptive? Bad logistics? Or perhaps you actually (huge hopeful grin) like it? I really do want to improve my writing, so… Comments and criticisms keenly coveted!


	2. Getting Down to Business

Disclaimer: YYH not mine.

As before, a few definitions just in case:

(1) _Reiki/youki/youkai_: There are humans in the Human World and ... creatures (including deities like Koenma, ferry girls like Botan, ogres like George, souls being processed, etc.) in the Spirit World (_Reikai_). Their spiritual energy is called reiki. Youkai are demons, but without such a negative connotation – more like mutants in _X-Men_ than Bigfoot or Frankenstein – and their spiritual energy is youki.  
(2) _Sarayashiki_: high school Yusuke and Kuwabara go to...I mean, where they're enrolled (at least, I _think_ that's the name)  
(3) _Meiou_: high school Kurama goes to (again, I _think_ this is the name)  
(4) _Kokuryuha_: Black Dragon Wave, the most powerful of Hiei's Ensatsu Ken (Killing Flame Fists) techniques  
(5) _Jaganshi_: literally, Master of Evil Eye; Hiei is a jaganshi

Chapter 2: Getting Down to Business

Needless to say, the janitor ogre was a bit disgruntled to be called in. Firstly, because it interrupted his break (which he had extended, on his own authority, to watch a soccer game). Secondly, because it was a shame to throw away all that cake, Pocky, and boba milk tea (which would have gone very well with his own soda and chips while watching the game).

So the Spirit Detectives were finally ready to get down to business in Koenma's office – an office tour, five plates of bean cakes, a fainted ogre, 214 broom strokes, a good vacuuming, and a grand total of 138 minutes later than scheduled. Koenma (reverted back to infant form but still maintaining a high position on his desk) felt a strong sense of déjà vu as he looked at the assembled team.

Yusuke and Kuwabara had resumed their perpetual rounds of mutual insults and boasts (and occasional punches) soon after the Bean Cake Crash. Neither seemed about to run out of breath, not even Kuwabara, who had spent a good deal of breath yelling at Hiei before Yusuke arrived. What had sparked _that_ one-sided quarrel? Hiei had not merely arrived, but whooshed into the room and caused Kuwabara to bound up into the air in shock. Typical. (And unknown to Koenma, even before then, Kuwabara's afternoon had not been peaceful, due to that little tussle with his classmate...)

Koenma cleared his throat emphatically. Several times. At last, Yusuke and Kuwabara noticed. They quieted down, though not without a final, hissed bout of name-calling.

Adopting a serious tone, Koenma began, "We've had reports of strange youki readings..." He trailed off as he noticed that Kurama seemed to be the only one paying any attention. Hiei continued to frown at the floor. Yusuke and Kuwabara were concentrating on ignoring each other, backs turned, chins up, and arms crossed. For the sake of his blood pressure, Koenma made a mental note to revert to sending videotapes for briefings(or better yet, CDs! now that he had a computer with a CD burner).

With an effort, Koenma reminded himself that this was how the Spirit Detectives "normally" functioned, and continued. "Yes, strange youki readings in Tokyo, quite near your school actually, Kurama, and yours, Yusuke and Kuwabara." He was satisfied to see that saying the names of the two human boys at least gained a _little_ more of their attention. "There have also been a few near Genkai's temple. I say strange because the readings are just short bursts, and then the youki vanishes entirely. Usually we can track youki – even when it's being suppressed, our equipment yields residual readings. But we couldn't track these, and the preliminary investigations haven't been able to physically locate the youkai at all."

Koenma pushed a button on the desk. Part of the mahogany surface split neatly, and the two sides slid apart to reveal an elaborate array of keyboards.

"Why is this a problem?" Yusuke asked as Koenma typed several commands.

"Exactly because the spots where these bursts of youki show up are centered around your schools." The screen of the computer monitor on the desk switched on, as well as the giant screen on the opposite wall. "I'm pulling up a data file which can show the exact locations and times of these appearances." (That much detail was really unnecessary, but Koenma was extremely proud of his new gadgets.) With a flourish and a satisfied smile, Koenma typed in a last command.

Several seconds passed. Nothing happened.

Nonplussed, Koenma typed the command again. No response. Or rather, no response from the machine. "Hn," came Hiei's customary scoff, while Kurama merely looked concerned. Kuwabara leaned over the keyboards to peer at all the buttons and Yusuke asked "Hey, isn't all this stuff _new_?"

Koenma gritted his teeth and typed the command again. The computer screen showed only the small question mark in place of the cursor, signifying that the machine could not process the given command, while the wall screen mocked him with its blank field of blue. Koenma had spent the last two days familiarizing himself with this system and he was sure he had typed the correct commands. Making a mental note to ask George the name of the man who sold them all this (so he could send that soul on one of the more miserable paths when it came the Spirit World), Koenma forced an expression of nonchalance, took a file out of one of the desk's many drawers (which, though controllable by computer and remote, were also thankfully manually operable), and continued his explanation.

"The first appearance was Thursday two weeks ago, at 2:56 in the afternoon, outside the gate of Yusuke and Kuwabara's school. It lasted exactly 52 seconds. The second was the same day, 6:44 in the evening outside Kurama's school, lasting about 24 seconds. The third was actually in the mountains near Genkai's temple, the following day at 8:42 am." At this, Hiei's gaze suddenly turned from the wall to Koenma, but he made no sound, and so the little god continued. "The fourth was that day, at Sarayashiki again, at 2:58 pm. The fifth - What?" Koenma abruptly asked Kuwabara, who was staring at Koenma as if the little deity had suddenly turned into an ogre with two heads.

"Ah! Nothing, really! Except...it's not like you to remember so much," Kuwabara replied, a suspicious look on his face.

"My memory is better than you can imagine," Koenma retorted coldly. "I am a god, after all." He shifted the papers in the file. "And besides, I'm merely reading off this old post-it note here."

Yusuke and Kuwabara sweatdropped.

"There's a pattern – the appearances around Sarayashiki are early in the afternoon, while those at Meiou are usually in the evenings – about the time, I understand, when the extracurricular activities wrap up. Those around the temple are at more random times. I could keep on giving you the details," Koenma continued airily, "but I think you get the big picture. Whoever this is, it – or they – are very likely to be after you all, the Spirit Detectives. Why else would they stake out two high schools and a temple, which apparently have nothing to do with each other? And the times of the readings near the schools suggest that they know enough about you to at least guess that Yusuke and Kuwabara aren't the type to be involved in extracurricular activities, while Kurama is."

"Creepy! So we're being stalked or something!" Kuwabara exclaimed. "And if they're staking out the temple..."

Kurama noticed that Hiei was clenching his fist hard. Very hard.

"...they probably know about Master Genkai too!" Kuwabara concluded.

Kurama could nearly see the silent breath that escaped Hiei's lips as the jaganshi's death grip relaxed.

Kurama also knew that Yukina had been staying at Genkai's temple since the Dark Tournament.

"They don't really know that much about us. Most days I don't even go to school," Yusuke boasted.

Koenma sweatdropped. Trust these boys to be proud of never attending class. "That's the good thing right now."

"That we're not going to our classes?" Kuwabara asked, astonished that any figure of authority - even one who looked like a baby - would condone skipping school.

"No – that whoever is causing these youki blips apparently hasn't figured out yet what a couple of delinquents you are," Koenma replied smoothly. It spoke volumes of how well Koenma knew these boys when their failure to take offense did not surprise him at all.

"So what do you want us to do about it?" Yusuke asked.

"Just keep an eye out. Don't use reiki unless you absolutely have to. In fact, try not to do _anything_ conspicuous."

"That's it?" Kuwabara squawked. "You called us all the way here, to the Spirit World, just to tell us to act normal?"

"Being inconspicuous, for some reason, seems especially difficult for the Spirit Detectives," Koenma commented dryly.

"Hn," Hiei approached the desk. "As I expected. A waste of time."

Koenma was tempted to call in George with another plate of bean cakes, just so he could dump them over Hiei's spiky head, but immediately nixed the notion. Even if he had the cakes, he could never act fast enough to match Hiei's speed. Besides, it was not exactly...safe...to antagonize the ill-tempered, swordswipe-happy, Kokuryuha-controlling jaganshi. Hiei had his sword by his side. Hiei was also dangerously close to the polished surface of the desk, so shiny and smooth – and Koenma wanted it to stay that way.

Still, he had to get back at them all _somehow_.

Well, Yusuke and Kuwabara had wasted so much of his time merely by being late. (Never mind that Koenma rather enjoyed that time, talking up his new stuff to Kurama and watching cartoons.) "I'm not finished yet," he declared. Yusuke and Kuwabara groaned in unison. "I want you all to see something. It's very important; must go right away." Koenma toddled to the door, muttering, "Yes, right away. Can't be delayed; most important..."

At the door, Koenma paused. "Wait here. Botan will come to get you shortly." With a click, he closed the door behind him.

"Hey! Didn't you just say we had to see it right away? What's the big idea?" Yusuke pounded on the door, but he had no better luck opening it this time than he'd had previously, when trying to escape the Great Bean Cake Spill. "Why can't _you_ take us?"

If Koenma heard, he did not pay attention. Certainly, he did not return. It was a good quarter of an hour before Botan popped in and nearly got a black eye for her trouble because Yusuke, impatient and exasperated, had just drawn his fist back for a good punch at (or, more likely, through) the door.

As it was, Yusuke ended up with a few bumps on his head, as Botan took a strong interest in her own self-defense, and conveniently had her oar in hand. Amid loud name-calling, indignant complaints about oar-wielding ferry girls, and mutual doubts of each other's intelligence, the little group set off down the hallway.

Kurama and Hiei, the two quietest of the bunch, walked calmly behind the others.

Calmly, that is, until Kurama remarked casually, "Did I actually hear you _agree_ with Kuwabara a few minutes ago?"

Hiei's eyes popped to the size of saucers and he stopped abruptly in his tracks. It took a moment for him to regain the power of speech, but he managed to grind out a Very Menacing "What?!"

"Oh, just something about Koenma calling us all here, only to waste our time," Kurama shrugged.

"You really should find something better to do, Kurama," Hiei growled, "if you truly think that crossing dimensions only to be told to 'keep an eye out' is _not_ a waste of time."

"Ah, true." Kurama paused, seeming to consider something for a moment. Then he added blithely, "Of course, hanging around a human temple to secretly watch over a beloved sister is a much better way to spend the time." With that, Kurama continued walking, whistling an innocent tune.

After a tremendous effort, Hiei managed to get his fury under control - thereby sparing Kurama a very messy death, and himself another Spirit World warrant on his head - and caught up with the rest of the group in (naturally) no time.

_end of Chapter 2_

Repeated words? Awkward phrases? Lapses in logic? As always, comments/suggestions/even flames (well, unless they're flames of Hiei's Kokuryuha) very welcome! Like to nitpick? Here's the writer for you! :D

This story's making me nervous, firstly because I'm writing it as I go. (Actually, chapter 1 was written a few years ago as a stand-alone, and I only edited it a bit before posting. I waited this long to actually post fanfiction because I haven't finished/polished any to the level I'd like...argh!) Secondly, because humor's not my forte.

To that point, my fervent thanks to those who reviewed, for their encouragement!


	3. The Most Indispensable Office Supply

Credit where it's due: YYH not mine. Special thanks to Dragondancer1014 for the idea that led to the last section of this chapter, arguably the most explosive part of the story!

Chapter 3: The Most Indispensable Office Equipment of All

"Hey Botan! Where the hell are we going?" Yusuke demanded, as the little group stepped out of the elevator – again. This was the fifth elevator they had taken. No one appreciated their long, tortuous path through winding hallways, overcrowded workrooms, and dark corridors (except perhaps Kurama, who had navigated through hundreds of much more complicated - and dangerous - mazes, and was by far the most likely to see this all as a "fun" little memory exercise.)

"Lord Koenma wants it to be a surprise, so you'll just have to keep walking," Botan answered firmly. It was not the first time they had asked this question. (Or the second. Or even the third, or fourth.)

"It must be something related to this case he just told us about," Kuwabara reasoned, raising a hand to his chin in a Thinking Seriously expression. "Why else would it be so urgent?"

"Gotta wonder about those youki readings," Yusuke said, reminded of the case by Kuwabara's comment. "I haven't felt anything like that around school."

"Maybe because you weren't _at_ school when they happened," Botan pointed out, her voice carrying a note of gleeful amusement.

"I've got better places to be!"

"My sense of the supernatural is more than enough to detect any dangerous youkai around!" Kuwabara scoffed, not noticing Hiei's sardonic half-smile at that declaration. "And I haven't sensed any bursts of youki at school, either. How about you, Kurama?"

"It didn't strike me as youki, exactly. But definitely something...abnormal's been lurking around my school lately. It doesn't seem hostile, so I haven't worried about it. Still," Kurama mused, "I'd like to see that computer file Koenma tried to show us..."

"Ah, that new computer has a few bugs still?" Botan nodded knowingly as they approached (yet again!) the doorway at the end of the hall. She raised a hand toward a small screen at the side of the double doors. "I _tried_ to tell him not to get too dependent on all those gadgets. Technology isn't that reliable."

"What are you doing?" Kuwabara asked, as Botan put her fingertips on five small, dark rectangles in the screen.

"Opening the door, of course," she said matter-of-factly. Neon green lines scrolled down the rectangles, scanning her fingerprints.

A female voice, mechanically polite, intoned, "Please enter code B-twenty-four." Botan put pressed a few numbers. "Please enter code H-zero-seven." Botan pressed a few more numbers. "Confirming authorization..." the voice continued in its polished warmth, "Access granted. Please enter." A hum sounded, and with a hiss of pressurized air escaping, the doors slid apart to reveal a dark corridor.

"Not dependent on technology, huh?" Yusuke looked skeptically at Botan.

"It wasn't _my_ idea," Botan huffed. She followed Yusuke's gaze to her wrist, which sported the latest brand-name digital sports watch, with voice-activated planner, calculator, and camera all packed neatly into a compact, aesthetically pleasing, water-proof disk the size of a dime. (Of course, Yusuke would not have known of all these capabilities were it not for the billboards, TV commercials, and ads rolling across the giant screens that were mounted on the taller buildings in the city.) She looked back up at him, and added defensively, "A girl deserves a little something nice now and then. Especially when working with the likes of _you_."

"Hey!" Yusuke protested, but it was unclear whether he was responding to Botan or yelling just because the doors had suddenly shut behind them, leaving them in total darkness.

"What's Koenma got that requires so much security?" Kuwabara griped. "We've gone through a maze of corridors and a door that must've cost a million yen – "

"Two million," Botan corrected. "Just wait a moment. You'll see."

A hum and a hiss sounded again. "That's the door ahead opening. Walk forward ten steps please," Botan instructed. Yusuke sweatdropped, Kuwabara scowled impatiently, Hiei suppressed a "Hn" of disdain, Kurama smiled in amusement, and even Botan rolled her eyes as she said this. Unfortunately, the darkness prevented proper mutual appreciation of the eloquence of their facial expressions. They all walked forward, their steps echoing in what seemed, by the sound, to be a vast chamber.

Lights flicked on suddenly. Powerful lights, the sports stadium kind, the bright-enough-to-temporarily-burn-out-corneas kind.

"TADA!" Koenma's voice rang out from a metallic walkway far above their heads while a triumphant trumpet fanfare blasted forth.

Koenma had obviously expected a reaction of immediate excitement and awe.

Instead, silence followed.

And when the guys managed to blink their eyesight back, the first words out of Yusuke's mouth, while excited, were not exactly awed.

"You want to _blind_ us or something?!"

Koenma's brow furrowed in mild irritation, but he carried on. "Behold! The Super Duper Corporation-Size Water Cooler 5000!" he announced, sweeping an arm grandiosely toward a giant cylinder of plastic that occupied most of the room.

More silence.

Kurama's eyes widened, Hiei's frown deepened, Yusuke's eyebrows rose even higher, and Kuwabara's jaw dropped even lower. And giant sweatdrops appeared over everyone except Botan, who instead just looked shocked. As soon as she recovered her voice, she sputtered indignantly, "Lord Koenma! I thought you were going to show them the new youki detector!"

No, not the reaction of marveling and eager admiration Koenma had hoped for at all. But the show must go on, no?

"Not _only_ a water cooler, mind you!" Koenma continued, sounding entirely too much like a salesman of used cars in a TV commercial of Extremely Low Budget. "Nope, this baby has all your office drinks and then some! Hot water, cold water, lukewarm water, flavored water, mountain distilled water and over here, the ice dispenser. Want coffee? Would you like it hot or chilled? Americano? Espresso? French vanilla? Mocha? Macchiato? Want it decaf? How about a latte? With whole, reduced fat, lowfat, or skim milk? Ah, speaking of milk, the Cooler 5000 carries that too, plus 22 different sodas and 35 fruit juices. Not to mention teas, iced or hot – green tea, black tea, oolong tea, cinnamon tea, peppermint tea, boba milk tea..."

The sweatdrops had grown bigger, and were now threatening to crush the Detectives under their weight.

"_This_ is the big ol' 'most important,' 'can't-be-delayed' thing you wanted to show us?" Yusuke shouted.

"But I haven't mentioned the most special aspect of the cooler yet," Koenma answered calmly.

"Unless it can somehow miraculously turn the clock back an hour to save us from wasting so much time wandering down here to look at a stupid jug of liquid..." Kuwabara muttered.

_Aha! I have my revenge!_ Koenma gloated inwardly as he crowed in triumph, "It even dispenses alcoholic beverages! Fifteen different kinds, to be exact!"

Botan and the Detectives all crashed to the ground, the sweatdrops finally too great for even the mighty victors of the Dark Tournament to bear.

"Anyway, I never said this is the 'big ol' most important, can't-be-delayed' thing I had to show you. _That_'s back in my office," Koenma scoffed, finally giving up on the Ecstatic, Overawed reaction. He had wanted the largest, most expensive purchase of his last (ten-page in Times New Roman size 8) Spirit World-Office Depot invoice to floor people, but not this way. Besides, his initial purpose in leading them on this little goose chase was retribution for their tardiness, insolence, and most importantly, their unpardonable guilt in making a mess of his office (with all the new furniture!). He had achieved _that_ goal beautifully.

It was a good thing for Koenma that he was perched on that walkway, too high for even the Urameshi team to leap in one bound. (Yes, the beverage dispenser was that big. It was only thanks to the excellent – and very expensive – acoustics of the room that Koenma made himself audible to his not-so-willing audience. Though what one would need voice-amplifying acoustics for in a top-security guardroom, not even Koenma himself could readily explain.)

Safe as he was from their physical retaliation, Koenma actually began to feel the tiniest twinge of guilt. After all, he might have _looked_ like a toddler most of the time, but he was certainly more mature than his usual appearance (and many of his actions) suggested. So, he decided to kill two birds with one stone: offer a slight appeasement to Botan and the team, and simultaneously show off this latest, largest addition to his office equipment.

Koenma took out a remote control and pressed a button. "There. Now it's voice-activated. All you have to do is say clearly the drink you want, the size – regular, large, or ginormous – and it'll be dispensed from the spouts into one of those niches all around the dispenser. So how about a drink?"

"How about we go home now?" Kuwabara retorted.

"Hey, wait a minute," Yusuke stopped Kuwabara. "For all the trouble we took to get here, we might as well." Kuwabara stared at Yusuke incredulously and opened his mouth to question. However, something in the way Yusuke was smiling seemed to quiet him.

"Yusuke, the peacemaker who finds silver linings," Kurama mused, then concluded cheerfully, "Sounds somewhat strange, doesn't it?"

"Ha, ha," Yusuke answered with good-natured sarcasm. "Ok, Koenma, let's see what your souped-up cooler can do. I want a regular Seven-Up."

The dispenser hummed, and then released the beverage into a cup that popped up in the niche closest to Yusuke. It even stopped when the cup was three quarters full, to allow the foam to disappear so the cup could be completely filled. A mechanic arm clapped a cap onto the cup and automatically inserted a straw.

Strangely enough, Yusuke did not quite look pleased, but he didn't complain as he took his drink.

Encouraged, Kuwabara gave it a try. "A large…watermelon juice," he chose, going for something a little less common. The dispenser met the challenge easily with what seemed to be 100 juice, fiber and all.

Yusuke looked even less pleased, but everyone's attention was focused on the machine.

"Go on, go on," Koenma urged, delighted that, unlike his computer, the dispenser was in perfect working order.

Botan tried it next. "Mmm, I've always wanted to try French vanilla…A large French vanilla latte with whipped cream on top, please!" Again, within moments the order was fulfilled perfectly, with a beautiful swirl of whipped cream and an automatically dispensed stirring spoon.

Yusuke suddenly stepped up again, his grin rather…maniacal. He took a huge breath, then shouted, "All righty, then, how 'bout _this_ order? Large whole milk decaf latte – regular strawberry banana mango apple pear peach kiwi smoothie – ginormous beer on the rocks – large oolong tea with extra sugar – large black tea – ginormous boba milk tea – large water with ice – ginormous Dr. Pepper – lemonade-chocolate milk-orange juice-tea-water-coffee!"

Several seconds passed with no reaction from the dispenser (but a speechless, fuming reaction from Koenma).

"Guess it's not so super duper, huh Koenma?" Yusuke scoffed.

"There is no place in all the worlds that takes orders _that_ way, Yusuke!" Koenma recovered his voice enough to yell.

"Oh, yeah? You've obviously never been in a ramen shop." Yusuke observed scornfully. "I say we all get outta here a-sap!" He turned to go.

A shudder ran through the giant cylinder, from the top all the way to the bottom.

Yusuke stopped. The others looked toward the cooler.

It hummed, just as it did before dispensing the previous drinks.

Yusuke turned to look at it, too.

Coffee spurted out into a large cup, filling it only halfway. Metallic cranking and groaning resounded from deep within the dispenser.

"I've got a bad feeling about this…and it ain't nothin' psychic," Kuwabara muttered.

_Sssssssssss!_ All thirty spouts started gushing liquid. Only a few cups popped up, and even these overflowed within moments. Another shudder ran through the giant cylinder, escalating in magnitude so that the room seemed wracked by a serious earthquake.

Finally, the cylinder exploded with the force of a breaking dam.

"AAAUUUUUGGGGHHH!"

For all the fearsome enemies they had confronted before, the Urameshi Team did not even _think_ of facing this onslaught head-on. For all their vaunted speed, though they tried to run, they could not get to the door fast enough, much less push in the codes to get it open. For all their battle prowess, honed in the furnace of the Dark Tournament to a level renowned even among the denizens of the Demon World, they could not escape the deluge of drinks that erupted from the Super Duper Corporation-Size Beverage Cooler 5000.

"Oh, no…"

"Idiotic human contraptions…"

"Of all the blasted…!"

"YEOW! _Damn_ hot coffee! Or is it tea?! Why am I even asking?! Stupid godforsaken cooler…!"

"Help! I'm drowning (gargle) in Coca-Co- (gargle)!"

And from the railway above came Koenma's angry wail.

"YUUUSUKEEEEEEEE!"

_end of Chapter 3_

Actually had to do a bit o' research on the drinks, not being a coffee or alcohol drinker myself. From the little I know of Starbucks, I'm convinced it actually has its own dialect. :D The point is, if I got drink terms wrong, please feel free to point out.

Am discovering as I go along how miraculously plot turns can form in one's brain, where before there was no way to get the story from point A to point B. Am somewhat suspicious that instead of plot turns, I've actually dug plot holes, but not too worried as this story is not a serious one anyway. Still, would like second opinions. In other words, (wide innocent grin) review please!


	4. Office Technology

Disclaimer: YYH not mine.

Supposedly decades ago if children were very stupid in school, they were called dunces and had to sit in the corner with a cone-shaped hat. (I have no idea where and when I picked this up…) Anyway, I'm pretty sure it's not an internationally known image. I mention it since I use it in this chapter.

I put in a pun. If it's terrible, tell me so, and I'll try to change it. :D Bloopers? (I.e. so-and-so wore green one moment and yellow the next) Plot holes? Please tell me! As always, comments and criticisms welcome!

Chapter 4: Office Technology

When the flood calmed, the Detectives found themselves treading not just water, but an icky mixture of soda, coffee, tea, milk, and bits of fruit. (Botan had materialized her oar, though not quickly enough to escape the soaking.) Little boba balls floated by, sometimes cushioned on dollops of whipped cream. Koenma had just told them to meet him back in his office and stomped off the railway. Yusuke yelled after him that he was going home as soon as they got out of there, but Koenma's office was on the way out anyhow. So it was that, after Botan opened the door and the beverages drained, she and the Detectives were zipping along on the convoluted route back to Koenma's office. They were still drenched and dripping (and leaving a feast of a trail for Spirit World ants), but that was nothing compared to the flooded catastrophe of the lowest floor. Noooo, the janitor ogres would _not_ be happy about that.

"All I wanted to do was show him that even his cooler-on-steroids couldn't do _everything_. How was _I_ to know it would explode? And how the hell was I to know you couldn't swim?"

"Not in a whirlpool tidal wave like that, no!" Kuwabara retorted. "Couldn't just turn around and walk away, could you, Urameshi?"

"Hey, no matter what, _I_ wasn't the one who forced us to see some stupid drink cooler!"

"Can you two stop bickering for even five minutes?" Botan hollered. It wasn't fair! _She_ wasn't the one who'd been late to the meeting or pelted Koenma with beancake – why had Koenma wasted her time as well? And _she_ didn't lead the guys around in circles (at least, not on purpose) – in fact she'd just suffered through a goose chase and a drink explosion with them – why was Yusuke yelling at _her_? That fancy watch on her wrist felt more and more deserved. (Lucky it was liquid-proof!) She wanted a shower – or better yet, a long, hot bath. Come to think of it, she'd seen a pretty (and somewhat pricey) bath set in the same department store where she got the watch…

The sugar and caffeine in all those beverages hadn't found their way into any stomachs, but they might as well have been directly injected into the Urameshi team for all the adrenaline the drinks fired up. Botan took them all to one of the full bathrooms adjoining the ogres' workrooms (of which there were many, due to frequent need for late night or even overnight work). Still, rinsing off – being doused, clothing and all, with just water instead of a myriad of liquids at once – did little to cool them down. Off they dashed again, skidding to a halt at the door of Koenma's office. As they were supernaturally fit, they were only breathing a bit deeply. By no means had the adrenaline levels lowered enough to ensure Koenma's personal safety.

Yusuke swung his foot back in a stance that promised serious damage to the door (and, knowing these guys, probably also the wall right next to it) but suddenly rounded back on Botan. "You know what? I don't think Koenma really has anything that important to show us. I wanna go back right this minute."

"It's not like you have anything important to do," Botan returned peevishly.

"Yes I do _too_ have something important to do!"

"Yeah? What?"

"I've got homework!"

Everyone stared at Yusuke for a moment.

Botan's look of shock quickly turned to one of suspicion. "Kuwabara I _might_ believe –"

"Hey! What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"–but _you_, Yusuke?"

Yusuke glared as the stunned silence erupted into a chorus of raucous laughter. Even Hiei chuckled. A cold, dry chuckle, yes. But it was a chuckle of _amusement_. From _Hiei_.

"Don't believe me, huh? Well, I swear on – on…"

"What, Urameshi, can't find something to swear on so you won't suffer for it later?" Kuwabara jeered.

"No, ya lunkhead! In fact I can't think of something to show just how serious I am." Yusuke seemed to concentrate deeply for a couple moments. "I know!" His expression became grave. "I swear on –" he paused dramatically – "my front-row ticket to the wrestling match finals next month!"

It was the second round of giant sweatdrops within the hour.

After a moment, however, Kuwabara said, "Hm, maybe Urameshi's being serious after all. Front-row ticket! To the _finals_! Hey, come to think of it, how'd you get ahold of 'em?"

"Never mind that. _Guys_..." Botan muttered, thankful that Kuwabara had missed Hiei's "Idiot" for once - they obviously all wanted the evening to end and another insult contest between Kuwabara and Hiei would not help. "Well, Yusuke, if you have homework – I never thought to say _that_ sentence..." She grinned, almost apologetically, as he folded his arms and stuck his chin out in defiance. In fact, her grin would have become apologetic if she had not suddenly thought of something. "Wait a minute...You say you have homework."

"I sure do!"

"What exactly is it?"

"History, twenty pages."

"Ok, so you _have_ homework. But..." Botan looked like someone about to hit a home run, "Are you going to _do_ it?"

Everyone looked at Yusuke. _Shoot! _he thought. _I almost got away with it, too!_

At that moment the door to the office swung open, knocking Yusuke forward and thereby getting full revenge for all the damage he had been thinking about inflicting on it. Fortunately for him, though, it also made his homework a moot point.

"Ah, good, you're all here!" Koenma exclaimed, oblivious to the Detective he had sent sprawling upside down against the opposite wall. "Come in, come in!"

Yusuke collapsed on the floor, but quickly flipped into a defiant stand. "We're a sopping, dripping mess. We want to go. Now."

Koenma's jaw tightened. "Hey, I'm not exactly a happy camper right now, either. That was a pretty expensive piece of equipment _you_ broke, Yusuke."

"_You_ didn't nearly drown in fifty bajillion liquids!"

"Yeah? Well, whose bright idea was it to overload the cooler with insane commands in the first place?"

"Well, how about let's dunk _you_ a giant tub of drinks, hit here with hot coffee and there with ice-cold soda?"

Koenma frowned. "Needless to say, we're all a bit irritated right now –"

"_Major_ understatement!"

"– and we all want to get out of here as soon as possible. Let me just show you the youki detector. Or do you want to make another trip to see it?"

Yusuke and Kuwabara both visibly recoiled.

"No way!" Kuwabara declared.

Yusuke scowled. "Fine; fine. But get it overwith quick!"

Koenma's teeth were grinding quite hard, but he passed on retorting and moved to the keyboards embedded in his desk. After two full minutes of keys clicking and computer blipping (during which Yusuke paced restelessly, swearing a blue streak that he would never work for the Spirit World again), Koenma went to a corner of the room and stood there expectantly.

"Why does this remind me of how dunces sit in corners?" Yusuke remarked sarcastically.

Koenma whirled around. "You don't know what you're talking about!"

He may have been more intimidating – correction, less amusing – if he had been in his adult form.

But he was not.

"There's a door here to the other room. It's going to open now, and behind it is the youki detector."

He may have appeared more believable – correction, less like a babbling lunatic – if a door actually popped out from among the wall tiles.

But none did.

Unfortunately for Koenma, inanimate objects have no real sense of dramatic timing. For the moment, all that Koenma got to back his story up was a small beep.

Koenma's credibility would have been utterly crushed were it not for Botan, who saw that Yusuke and Kuwabara were about to rebel and Hiei seemed ready to disappear. "A tile's going to slide open with a security monitor behind it, and using that we can enter the room." Nevertheless, her attempt at a peacemaking explanation did not mean she agreed with what was going on. She rolled her eyes (again) at yet another demonstration of her boss's infatuation with gadgets.

Sure enough, a panel slid aside. After Koenma (gritting his teeth so hard he nearly chewed his pacifier in two) punched in the access code and had a fingerprint scanned, twelve wall tiles revealed themselves to be, in reality, a hidden door. Koenma, Botan, and the Detectives stepped through into a large room of pristine steel walls and criss-crossing laser beams.

Koenma took a remote control out of his pocket, pointed it at some spot on the ceiling, and pressed a button.

"Geez! You've pushed more buttons today than I've done my whole life!" Yusuke complained.

"That _would_ be difficult," Koenma replied wryly as the laser beams flashed, then disappeared.

A magic eight ball stood at the center of the floor.

Third round of giant sweatdrops within the hour.

"That's it. I'm leaving," Yusuke stated flatly. "What a load of garbage!"

"Ah-hah, that's what you _would_ think about cutting-edge technology, isn't it?" Koenma retorted.

"A magic eight ball? Cutting edge technology? Gimme a break!"

"No wait, Urameshi, I'm sensing some sort of energy from that ball there…" Kuwabara muttered.

Hiei frowned. "Perhaps the sheer stupidity of this entire evening?"

"Now now, give Koenma time to explain, so we can all go home and I won't have to conduct you here for another meeting just to see the detector!" Botan interjected (failing miserably to keep her tone even). Before Koenma could open his mouth, however, she thought of the Used Car Salesman-style pitch he was sure to give, and hastily said, "Actually, _I_ will explain. The detector was designed this way so other people wouldn't think it was valuable at all, and no one would steal it."

"Haven't you rendered this feature null by locking the ball in high security rooms?" Kurama pointed out.

Koenma and Botan crashed to the floor, forehead first.

"Ah ha ha, that's right, isn't it..." Botan squeaked sheepishly.

Koenma cleared his throat, trying to regain composure and a little dignity. "Minor technicality...easily remedied...so anyway! As Botan said, it's _disguised_ as an eight ball. It is actually controlled by remote, and the readings don't show up on the ball itself, so the disguise is pretty foolproof."

"So how do you get the readings?" Kuwabara asked.

"They go to our computer database via spiritual waves - sort of like those used for cell phones in the Human World. It's an online database for the Spirit World - any computer can be used to access the readings. For the last week the detector's been set to scan the areas where you guys live, and it sends the reports automatically to that database."

"Can you identify different demons with it?" Kurama wanted to know.

"Yes, the youki readings are scanned by another computer program. The results can be run against our databases, and if there's a match, the file on that demon can be automatically sent to a special folder in the database."

"I take it no matches were found for these youki blips, then."

"Nope."

"Ok, so why do _we_ have to see this?" Yusuke groused. "It's not like it's our job to operate the thing, and we won't need it when we're actually on cases 'cuz we'll already know the target."

"You never know what you might come up against," Koenma warned. "Don't be so cocky!"

Yusuke wanted to say "Look who's talking," but what he _really_ wanted was to get going. So he merely said, "Ok, are we done now?" sounding rather like a six-year-old on a long car ride.

"No. Do you think I'd bring you in here without a real purpose?"

Everyone stared at Koenma, all thinking of the cooler.

"Uh…on second thought, don't answer that." Koenma coughed. "The point is, I think you'd be better prepared if you knew what sort of energy you're supposed to be on the lookout for. When the eight ball gets a reading, it doesn't show anything – that's integral to its disguise. All the info goes to the database. However, it can pull the info back, and emit the exact youki it detected. It can even amplify it, to make it easier for people with spiritual energy, such as yourselves, to identify. So I'm going to get it to emit the energy from the readings I mentioned, and you guys can get a feel for it."

Koenma pulled out another remote control and pushed away at the buttons. ("Geez! You must have more remote controls than an electronics store!" Yusuke exclaimed.)

The Detectives concentrated on the ball.

They concentrated some more.

And then, they concentrated even more.

"Are you sure this isn't just a regular ol' eight ball?" Yusuke finally asked, failing miserably to keep the skepticism out of his tone (not that he was trying very hard). "I mean, how can you tell anyway?"

"Weren't you listening?" Koenma sounded exasperated. "It sends info to the database. The readings were pulled from the database. Since there were readings to pull, it must've worked."

Botan cleared her throat. "Actually, Lord Koenma, the youki detectors that your regular ogre patrols use have already been programmed to send info to the database too."

There was a long pause as this information settled into everyone's brain.

It was Kurama who voiced everyone's thoughts. "So the readings may have come from other Spirit World staff using other detectors?"

"...Yes."

"With all due respect, Koenma – have you ever tried anything with the ball before, other than letting it detect youki automatically?"

"...No."

"Is there any way at all to tell that this ball is the detector?"

"...No. Nothing short of opening it inside to see the wiring. It's like a computer on the inside."

"So it actually is possible – just possible, I'm saying – that it really is just an eight ball?"

"...No! It can't be!" Despite these words, beads of sweat stood out on Koenma's face, which had taken on an odd blue color.

"Well, I guess there's just one way to know for sure!" Before Koenma could stop him, Yusuke (ever a straightforward man of action) had snatched the ball up and hurled it toward the floor – with some reiki behind the throw, just for good measure.

"Noooooooooooo!" Koenma screamed, acutely aware that although the money for his office furniture had not come from his own funds, he had opted to get the ball instead of his bicentennial pay raise (or rather, allowance – since it came from his dad).

(Well, it seemed like a really cool thing at the time. And two hundred years is really not so long for a deity.)

The only person who _might_ have reached the ball in time was Hiei, but he did not care enough. Correction – he did not care at all.

As it was, the ball that had cost Koenma his bicentennial pay raise shattered into pieces on the floor.

Solid pieces.

Solid pieces, with no hint of wires or computer chips anywhere.

Koenma stared at the wreckage. He did not know whether to be relieved that Yusuke had broken nothing more than a regular eight ball, or enraged that somebody in the Spirit World Department of Office Supplies had been duped into spending _his_ bicentennial pay raise on just that: nothing more than a regular, thoroughly non-magical magic eight ball.

After a few moments of mental blankness, his brain linked this flub to the others - the malfunctioning computer and the busted drink dispenser.

Between relief and fury, there really was only one choice.

"GEOOOOORRRGGE!"

_end of chapter 4_


	5. The Day Off

**Note**: All chapters have been revised since the last update – and the story has changed most significantly in Chapters 3 and 4. Dragondancer1014 gave me an idea too precious not to use!

I think in Japan the weekend consists only of Sunday – there's school on Saturdays as well – so that's how I wrote it here.

Chapter 5: The Day Off

_Spirit World Agent #1: Yes, the computer system looks pretty good._

_Man: So we 'ave a deal, then?_

_Spirit World Agent #2: We saw a very similar system at Computermart for several thousand yen less._

_Man: (wrings pudgy hands nervously) Well, I'll tell you wot, mister, I'll t'row in dis 'ere ki detector, no extry charge._

_Agent #2: Ki detector? That looks like a magic eight ball._

_Man: It's the latest technology, see? Top secret 'n' all. Sends readin's t'ru 'wireless networks to a computer database o' your choice, with lots o' extry doodaddles. 'Tis like somethin' out o' a James Bond movie, yes sir! You like American films? I like 'em lots. Ya ever see that 'un whur the guy just points a pen at somethin' 'n' it melts down..._

_Agent #1 (in low voice as Man continues rambling): It all sounds pretty good._

_Agent #2: Let's see the specs on the products before we decide anything._

_Man:...So, jes' like that...KAPLOW! But yeh, the detector's innocen' appear'nce'll jes' fool any would-be thieves, see? Jes' like that tiny little key chain in 'nother movie I saw..._

_Agent #1 (in low voice as Man continues): Come on, James Bond-type gadgetry? You _know_ Lord Koenma would like that. We can print the specs and details from online later. We can even make up some spreadsheets comparing companies and prices._

_Agent #2 (frowning):..._

_Agent #1: Besides, we have that soccer game to watch this evening! Let's wrap it up!_

_Agent #2: (clears throat hastily) It sounds useful...yes, I suppose we'll take one of those eight ba– I mean, detectors, too. Print up the invoice please._

_Man: ...so then the whole thing went...KABLAM! Oh yes, sir? Oh, invoice sir? Yes sir! Right away, sir!_

- o - o - o -

"Basically, our agents did a very thorough review of the specs and compared models, companies, prices – the works. They had spreadsheets, charts, graphs..." Botan sighed. "They already thought he'd be the best to buy the new electronics from because he was the only one who knew a bit about reiki and youki, and he had things like ki detectors in addition to regular computers. But his company was near bankruptcy, so the products were a little faulty – as you all saw last night."

"Except the magic eight ball, which was just a magic eight ball," Yusuke added after swallowing a mouthful of ramen. Then he smacked his knee. "HAHAHA!" (Now that he was eating ramen with his buddies after a typical day of skipping classes and loafing, instead of stuck in a meeting, his mood had greatly improved.)

"At least we didn't buy the _furniture_ for Koenma from him, thank goodness."

"Yeah, I can just imagine all those new wall-mounted shelves of his crashing down," Kuwabara chortled, likewise cheered up from last night. "And maybe at the exact same moment, his chair's electronic control'll go haywire, and it'll collapse!"

"Then you _really_ won't be able to see him behind that huge desk!" Yusuke howled with laughter.

A small sweatdrop appeared on Botan's forehead, but she said, "The good news is, you guys aren't being stalked or anything. The youki readings..."

"Wait, you're saying those were messed up too?" Kuwabara exclaimed incredulously mid-bite. "I thought they were from other detectors that the Spirit World's used before with no problem."

"Yeah..." Botan sighed again. "The bugs in Koenma's new computer somehow got in the database, so when the other energy detectors were programmed to send data, a few unidentifiable youki readings showed up."

"So how come they were centered on our schools and the temple?" Kurama asked. "Or did that just happen randomly, too?"

"When youkai activity is suspected somewhere, more ogre patrols are sent there, and more readings are taken. And you guys...well, you're somewhat like magnets for youkai trouble – especially after defeating the Saint Beasts."

"Why's that?" Kuwabara asked, slurping up the last of his noodles.

"Hn. Fame, of course," Hiei answered disdainfully.

"I see. Lopping off the heads of the guys who beat the Saint Beasts would really give the youkai that did it a boost in reputation," Yusuke smirked, obviously not really worried about the increased...attention from the world of youkai. He gulped down the soup and set the bowl on the table with a mighty sigh of satisfaction. "Well, that takes care of that. Now, off to enjoy the day off from school!"

"Ya got that right!" Kuwabara agreed, standing up with Yusuke.

"Hold on a sec."

"What, Botan?"

"You guys still have a mission."

"What?" Yusuke sounded just the slightest bit desperate. "I thought the readings were phony! No readings, no mission!" (Although he hardly went to class on schooldays, Yusuke still highly prized the official freedom of Sundays.)

"No, it doesn't have anything to do with the readings," Botan said quickly, trying to make the mission sound more appealing – correction, less tiresome. "In fact, it probably won't even be dangerous, and won't take more than a day, since we know exactly where the guy is."

To any normal group of individuals whose occupation required them to risk life and limb with practically every assignment, this would have made the mission a rare treat.

The Urameshi Team, however, was no normal group of individuals.

The most positive – correction, least negative – response Botan got was Kurama's. He only raised an eyebrow. Hiei frowned. Botan had thought it impossible, but he looked even less interested than before. Kuwabara and Yusuke both groaned, "Aw, but that's no fun!"

Another sweatdrop appeared on Botan's head.

"You've just got to apprehend the man who sold the electronics to the Spirit World."

"Great!" Yusuke scowled. "So now we're being sent to settle Koenma's private grudges. What does he take us for, his personal lackeys? Well, Pacifier Boy has another think comin'...!"

"Come on, Yusuke, don't think of it that way. It's a serious crime against the Spirit World! And, well, it's either this, or some other case..."

"The other cases must _really_ be small potatoes if Koenma would rather we get this guy," Kuwabara grumbled.

"Exactly. Even less interesting. Your escaped convict here, soul-eating monster there, or at best a youkai thief or two. Only, for the other missions, you'd have to meet up with Koenma again." She saw funny expressions on Hiei and Kurama's faces. "What?"

"Hn."

"No way!" Yusuke declared, looking as if Botan had just proposed being on time to class and sucking up to teachers for the rest of his school career.

"I am _not_ going back to that whacko place!" Kuwabara avowed, with fully half the fervor that he normally reserved only for when friends were in danger, or when Yukina was around.

"I suppose you guys'll take the case of the Swindling Electronics Salesman, then?" Botan smiled apologetically.

"Man, I can't believe this!"

"That's another Sunday gone kaput!"

"Some day off this is turning out to be!"

- o - o - o -

Meanwhile, back in the office, Koenma was once again stamping giant stacks of papers. Stamp with the right hand. Move paper to the "finished" stack with the left hand. Stamp with right. Move with left. Stamp with right. Move with left. Stamp with right...

Stamp, swish, stamp, swish, stamp, swish...

Yes, it was the usual business.

However, Koenma was bringing the stamp down a bit harder than usual. The more he stamped, the more he looked forward to getting that electronic salesman in and giving him a bit of a...lesson. And the more he imagined stamping the paper that would send that man's soul to its final destiny. As the man was not dead, Koenma could only imagine the latter for now...but he could imagine very well. He wracked his brain for unpleasant roads onto which he could send the soul. Since the man had not committed a serious crime such as, say, killing a fellow human – and moreover, was _human_, not youkai – there was only so much nastiness Koenma could legally inflict. He finally narrowed the choices down to two paths, each of which merely had several mile-long upward staircases, as well as the occasional monster to scare the living daylights out, and some morals back in. Trouble was, he was agonizing over which one was more...deserved. More deserved, more _just_...yeah, these sounded like good terms to write on the paperwork.

Koenma did not notice how his arm came down harder with each stamp...until it was too late.

Stamp, swish, stamp, swish, stamp – CREAK!

Koenma's head snapped up.

A newly-mounted wall shelf, stacked with at least thirty pounds of books (the heavy reference type), trembled.

Koenma's eyes widened in horror.

The shelf tipped, beginning its descent – and dumping all its books forward.

Koenma sprang out of his chair.

The shelf collided into the one below it, knocking stationery right and left, and the second shelf started falling too.

Koenma sailed over his desk.

The second shelf crashed into the third, bringing down cases upon cases of CDs and DVDs which scattered and banged spectacularly with the reference books on their way down to the floor – or across the room.

Koenma's leap did not carry him quite far enough to salvage much of anything. It did, however, carry him far enough to share the fate of all his disks, books, and stationery. (On the other hand, even if he _had_ the ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound – to say nothing of mere desks – Koenma would not have been able to salvage anything, as a body in the air really has no leverage. The laws of physics, unfortunately, do not bend to any call for convenience, even the call of a god.)

Several CD cases smashed into the marble desktop, the clatter raking across Koenma's awareness like nails on new chalkboard. One disconnected shelf somehow managed to bounce off a plush leather chair, only to shoot across the room at the other wall of new shelves. After a (second) terrible racket, books, CDs, DVDs, videotapes, and extra stationery had entirely buried the sides of the office – and Koenma.

The dust settled for a few moments as Koenma lay there under the wreckage, not hurt beyond many bumps that promised lots of bruises, but stunned into blank-minded inaction.

Koenma heard a _snap!_ The refrigerator had blown its fuse.

But it was not over yet.

Koenma heard a _boing!_ A spring came loose somewhere in the room.

One part of Koenma sighed. _Springs – that can only be my chair_.

The other part of Koenma did nothing, as it was beyond caring by this point.

_Boing! Boingboing!_

Koenma flung an arm sideways, heaving off a shelf so he could see his chair, his Super Ultra Comfort 5000.

Or rather, what used to be his chair.

The springs had...well, sprung. The chair swiveled eerily for several seconds from the momentum of popping springs. Then it imploded, collapsing in a heap behind Koenma's desk.

Koenma stared.

_That's it. Everything in my office is new. Everything in my office cost a lot of money._

_And absolutely nothing in my office works._

_Well, on the bright side, no more agonizing over which way to send the electronic salesman. Whichever path I don't choose for him – it is now the miserable destiny of the furniture salesman._

"GEOOOOORGE!"

_end of chapter 5 (and fic)_

Well! (pops a bottle of pineapple orange banana 100 percent juice, _not_ from any dispenser) There it is, my first published fic. I ask again: **_Can you tell who my favorite YYH character(s) are from this fic?_** If you can't, that's one goal I've reached. I have a penchant for giving my favorites the best parts, but the last thing I want to do is mutate my favorites into Mary Sue/Gary Stu-types. (AUUUGH!)

Whew! **Thank you** to all the wonderful readers! Another round of thanks to the fantastic reviewers! And special thanks again to Dragondancer1014 for her wonderful suggestions!


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